Weak
by omnia16
Summary: With him she's naked, exposed— vulnerable. KxG, KxP.
1. Chapter 1

_Mistake._

That's the first word that slides into her mind when the insistent sun presses against her eyelids, forcing her awake.

She's bare, naked, exposed— _vulnerable_.

The sheets are soft against her even softer, pampered skin, yet she doesn't focus on this. Instead her gray eyes are caught on the sleeping figure next to her. His mouth is parted slightly; soft snores are pulled from his lips. His ashy blond hair seems more gold in the light streaming in from his window, and with a jolt she recalls last night.

Running to his house, craving a night of uninterrupted sleep in the arms of someone that understands.

Stepping inside, noting the length of his blond curls.

Distractedly pushing the curls from his face.

Becoming trapped in the dark look in his normally bright blue eyes when her fingers lingered on his cheek.

Then leaning in, pressing her mouth to his to feel that _thing_ again, like she felt in the cave— that unnamable _thing_ that assured her she was safe.

The rest of the night blurs in her thoughts, and she flushes as she remembers every detail with startling clarity.

She can't stay here. She can't stay to face Peeta and his expectant gaze, his face bright with hope that last night meant something important— sure, it was her first, but she sought comfort, escape, not love.

She still does not want his love.

So she quietly slips from his bed, pulls on her clothes, and is gone by the time the sun fully reaches the sky.

It's better this way, Katniss tells herself as she walks back to her house. It's better that it is just one time, completely meaningless, because attachment leads to love which leads to marriage and kids and she's never wanted all of that; she can't _have_ all of that with the threat of the Capitol and President Snow looming over her…

Just as she reaches her porch she glances to the house next door, Haymitch's house. He's sitting on his porch stairs, a half-empty liquor bottle resting between his feet on the steps. An empty one is on its side next to him, and she can't make out his expression.

He shakes his head, though, and as he lifts the bottle to his lips she can imagine his gray eyes shrewdly narrowed at her, disappointment and disgust and _pride_ visible. Tears suddenly clot her eyes as she pushes open her front door, and she promises to never look back, to never _go_ back to Peeta's bed and abuse his love, steal comfort under false words—

But somehow she knows she'll find her way between his sheets and in his arms again anyway.

* * *

**A/N:** Well hello there! Long time, eh?

Ahem, this is the promised one-shot collection from Katniss' POV on certain chapters of _Like Crazy_, so I advise you— if you haven't already— to check out _Like Crazy_! Also, not to be pushy or anything, but maybe you could check out _Alius Casus_, too? Haha, anyway, I hope you enjoy!

-O

P.S. Um. This corresponds with **chapter one** of _Like Crazy_, in case you wanted to know.


	2. Chapter 2

She wakes up alone, just as she's done for the past three weeks.

She finds herself almost _missing_ the comforting scent of him and his sheets, and though she knows that it is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong of her to actually think about going back to Peeta's house, pressing her mouth to his…

She rolls on her side, fingers tucked under her pillows as she stares at the place where he would have been, his eyes drowsy with sleep and his smile soft and gentle─

Her eyes begin to slip shut, and if she squints she can already see the outline of his tanned form, pleasant against the white of her sheets.

A knock sounds on the door, and when she blinks in surprise her pretend Peeta is gone.

Prim jumps onto the empty spot where her Peeta had been, and the last traces of his smile fade when Prim giggles as she pokes her older sister.

"Someone's here to see you," the blond girl says, and Katniss quickly sits up.

"Peeta?"

Prim's eyes narrow slightly, and she slowly shakes her head. "No…" She stretches the word.  
"Gale. It's Sunday."

Katniss flushes as she pushes the suddenly constricting sheets from her legs, and she avoids Prim's curious gaze as she tries to find her hunting clothes.

"Yeah, um. I'll be down in a minute, okay?"

Prim nods, her blue eyes serious as she studies her older sister.

"I'll tell him."

Katniss' bedroom door quietly shuts after Prim leaves, and Katniss leans against it, closing her eyes.

_Her Peeta._

_Her_ Peeta didn't exist; Peeta wasn't hers; she would never love him.

If anything, _her_ Peeta is still trapped in the caves, weighted down by desperation and the need to keep up the ruse of being in love to survive.

Katniss slowly pulls on the hunting clothes, already ignoring the unfamiliar ache thoughts of Peeta bring and moving towards happier thoughts of her woods and Gale.

She grins when she sees Gale leaning against her kitchen counter, and his dark face brightens at the sight of her, too.

He hugs her, spinning her around while she laughs.

It doesn't really register that her thoughts claim him as _her Gale_.

* * *

**A/N:** Goes with Chapter 6. Review!


	3. Chapter 3

Katniss quietly slips through the back door, hoping her mother won't chastise her for being too late for supper. But she needed time to truly think about what happened today, earlier in the woods.

Gale _kissed_ her.

They had finished for the day, and were walking back to the fence when it had happened. His lips were warm, a bit chapped, but they were pressed against hers.

And after she'd gotten over her initial shock, she realized she had _liked_ it.

It was different from the other kisses she'd had: it wasn't tainted by secret motivations, and it wasn't a product of suffering from loneliness or nightmares. It wasn't planned; she didn't expect it; she hadn't initiated it. It was between only them, shrouded by light and the familiar home of the woods.

Katniss doesn't know what this means.

Does this means Gale loves her, then? She hadn't had time to ask, since after seeing her completely shocked face he had simply turned and walked away.

Does this means he expects more from her, then? Does he expect her to easily return these feelings, quickly give in to the temptation of his mouth and skillful fingers and the somewhat alluring chance at a love that is real?

She hurriedly unlaces her boots, flushing as traitorous thoughts of Gale's dexterous hands race through her mind, and she wonders what else the familiar tanned, skilled hands can do in addition to creating complex traps.

Katniss shakes her head swiftly as her cheeks flush. These thoughts about Gale are not allowed, she tells herself as she quickly pushes off her boots. Traitorous, wandering thoughts only lead to feelings, feelings lead to love and love results in marriage and children being shipped off to an arena and instructed to _kill_—

She forces herself to take a deep, calming gulp of air as her hands begin to shake. Moments later her fingers clench around the game bag, and Katniss mutters to no one that she'll be fine. She quietly pads down the hall, eager to set her game bag down in the kitchen before slipping upstairs for a hot shower. It's one of the only perks of being a Victor, she muses absently, keeping a careful eye out for her suddenly intrusive mother. The improved lifestyle came with a downside though— she couldn't help the guilt that plagued her when she saw the blatant suffering and poverty of everyone else in her District, and memories of her own impoverished state attack her thoughts.

All too easily she can feel the ache in her belly from lack of food; her mother's empty blue eyes; the dirtied picture of a man that had been taken from them—

She's startled from the dark, spiraling thoughts by voices in the front room, and she pauses next to the stairs, hidden from view.

"He needs help," a gruff voice whispers, and Katniss is surprised to recognize Haymitch's voice. Then she's immediately curious and confused— why is he here?

"What?"

"He's in bad shape," Haymitch continues, and Katniss peers around the staircase to see the stooped, scruffy stance of her mentor leaning against the front door as he whispers to her mother.

She can make out the concerned look on her mother's face, and Katniss' curiosity is further stoked at the worry on Haymitch's face. Since when does Haymitch care for anyone else? Well, besides her and Peeta?

Katniss' eyes widen as she realizes it must be Peeta they're discussing. But what could possibly be wrong with him? He looked well the last time she saw him in town.

She can't remember when exactly the last time she _spoke_ to him was.

"Katniss?" Prim's voice startles Katniss, and she quickly glances up to see her younger sister walking down the stairs. "What are you doing?"

She shushes Prim and looks back towards the front door to find Haymitch's gray eyes pinned on her. Her mother also worriedly looks at her daughters, and she mutters something to Haymitch Katniss cannot make out.

"I'll be back shortly," Mrs. Everdeen calls, and the front door shuts behind Haymitch and Mrs. Everdeen.

"Katniss," Prim starts, but Katniss rushes to the window just in time to see her mother disappear into Peeta's house. Worry suddenly plagues her, and Katniss refuses to think about the implications caring about Peeta holds.

She doesn't love him, and she never will.

"Is something wrong?" Prim asks, curiously staring at her sister. Katniss stares at the lit windows of Peeta's home, and doesn't answer at first.

She shouldn't care, she knows.

She _doesn't_ care.

Katniss turns from the window and places the game bag on the kitchen table, and when she faces Prim's inquisitive blue eyes she offers a smile she tries desperately to mean.

"Nothing," Katniss says. She slowly walks upstairs to finally shower, and Prim's suspicious gaze follows her up the staircase.

In the shower Katniss tries to not worry about Peeta, and somehow she finds herself leaning on thoughts of Gale's grin; his laugh that wasn't quite as infectious as a certain blond boy's; Gale's quick, coal-covered fingers…

Katniss closes her eyes, letting the water run down her cheeks like tears shed over a true love.

Soon real tears join the tracks on Katniss' face as her body shakes with silent sobs; she cries as she realizes true love is something she can never have.

In the shower, alone, shrouded by the self-imposed darkness her closed eyelids offer, Katniss finally lets down her guard; she doesn't have to pretend to be strong, unflinching— she can finally admit what she constantly denies herself in hopes of staying strong and surviving the horrific aftermath of her Games—

_She will never have love._

Katniss wraps her still-thin arms around herself as the tears continue.

_She will never have love._

And that hurts.

* * *

**A/N:** Happy New Year!

Yes, still alive and really plan to update _Like Crazy_ soon. I just wanted to show that I still exist and do plan to continue these stories.

Okay, so this chapter is set around the time Haymitch discovers Peeta's addiction. Probably a bit confusing if you haven't read _Like Crazy_. Again, I am so sorry about Like Crazy... Chapter 56 is proving too be very, very difficult to write— too damn difficult.

Also, _Weak_ is probably going to finish sometime soon. Any chapter you would like from_ Like Crazy_, feel free to mention it in a review.

Sorry for any errors, was in a bit of a rush.


	4. Chapter 4

She's absently studying the tidy shelves of the corner store, thinking of the sudden strain in her relationship with Gale. Since he kissed her two weeks ago he's been quiet, she's noticed, and Katniss morosely realizes he's probably waiting for her to make the next move.

But the next move in _what_ direction?

She isn't ready for a relationship; she'll probably never be. Besides, is that even what she _wants_ with Gale?

Katniss trails her fingers over the selection of ribbons, thinking that maybe she'll purchase the blue set for Prim. Her thoughts quickly spiral back to Gale, though, and she wonders why she's so reluctant to pursue anything on that route. Haymitch hasn't told recently if her the Capitol is still angry, and Katniss still half-believes the issue of the nightlock will soon blow over and she can be left in peace, to suffer along with the rest of her District and mentor other Seam and Merchant kids that will be sent into the arena to die…

Just as she's imagining her children being brutally killed on camera, spears ruthlessly shoved into their stomachs, a name startles her from her thoughts, and she looks around, confused.

Yes, that's partially why she's so reluctant with Gale, Katniss admits, still eyeing the shelves as if they've spoken _his_ name. For a moment she's sure she imagined it, that she only thinks she heard the name said aloud, but at a loud whisper from the next row over Katniss realizes she didn't imagine it.

_"Peeta,"_ the voice repeats, the tone excited. "I saw you with Peeta!"

"Shush," the other voice reprimands, and Katniss finds herself curiously inching closer to the end of the aisle, closer to the voices. "Someone might hear."

"Tell me, tell me!" the first voice beams back, and Katniss tries to place the familiar voices. The girls are in her year, she remembers, but their names…?

"He came over last night, when my parents were at the Mayor's party," the second voice eagerly shares, "and _oh,_ Chrys, it was _amazing_…"

_Chrys_, the name clicks in Katniss' mind, and the slightly pudgy, brown-haired Merchant girl floats to mind. If this is Chrys, Katniss decides, trying to remember her best friend's name, then that must be…

"I'll bet," Chrys whispers enviously. "Alice told me that he came by one day when she skipped school—"

"This was different," the unnamed voice snaps, and Katniss can almost place the girlish tone…

"Olive, I didn't mean it that way. I'm sure it was," Chrys tries to placate, and Katniss blanches at mention of the other girl.

_Olive_. Of course.

Katniss remembers the blond girl all too well: on the few times she'd noticed Peeta, the random occasion when she thought about thanking him for the bread, she'd always been stopped by the lingering presence of a Merchant girl with large, pretty brown eyes and a charisma that drew most people in…

Katniss remembers Olive as having mooned after Peeta for ages. A small shiver of something cold and uncomfortable dances up Katniss' spine, and she wonders why they're talking about Peeta. She can't remember if he ever dated Olive, if he ever reciprocated her interest, but when Katniss considers Olive's delicate features she realizes, with a sinking feeling, that he probably had at some point.

Was Katniss the first person that shared his bed? Or was Olive, then?

"Tell me all about it," Chrys prods curiously, and Katniss finds herself intently listening too, even though she pretends to focus on the rudimentary coloring tools in front of her.

"What do you want to know?" Olive impishly asks, and Katniss feels sick at the teasing tone.

"What… what was it like?" Chrys asks, and Katniss can picture her sweet, round face blushing furiously as she asked about… what, exactly? Katniss is afraid of the answer, but she thinks she already knows.

"I ran into him two days ago near the bakery, and we chatted for a bit," Olive says, a smile in her tone as she begins her story. "He looked good, Chrys. I mean, he'd always been so muscular but he looked even more filled out, stronger, taller, and his eyes were like bright pools of blue…" she trails off, reminiscing.

"Go on," Chrys urges, and Katniss clenches the blue ribbons in her fists.

"I had to go, though, because you know how Mother worries when I'm not home fifteen minutes after school, so I decided to be bold and invite him the next night— last night— because Mother and Papa would be at that party, remember—"

"Yeah," Chrys miserably interjects. "I had to watch Tules, because my parents didn't want him sneaking out with his Seam friends to the slag heap or whatever. I think they're afraid he's going to knock up Lilee or something."

"Chrys!"

"What? Their 'four month anniversary' was last week, and he was mad that Mum wouldn't let him take Lilee anywhere 'cos 'he's only fifteen,' she said, but I knew it was 'cos she's hoping he'll dump the Seam girl and marry Macy eventually."

"Ick, her? Lilee may be Seam but she's loads better than that tasteless _hag_."

"That's what Tules keeps saying, but Mum's not having it. She keeps talking about how he needs to 'marry respectable folk' and carry on our family name with dignity…"

Katniss impatiently listens to this short side-conversation, desperate for mention of Peeta again. A few moments and giggles later Olive drags the attention back to her story.

"So he came over about half an hour after they left," Olive resumes, her tone hushed. "We sat around downstairs chatting for a bit, and the television was playing that silly new show quietly in the background— you know, that dating one?— and then I suggested we go to my room and listen to my music radio, and that new slow, sultry song from that girl in District 2 came on, and so I moved closer to him, bit my lip like Sisi said _always_ worked, and the next thing I know he's kissing me and pressing me on my back, the sheets of my bed beneath me, and _oh_… Chrys…"

"What, Olive?" Chrys murmurs back, her voice excited and curious.

"He is an _amazing_ kisser. His hands… _oh_, he knew exactly where to put them. And his mouth trailed all across my body, nipping and kissing and— and it was just _heavenly_, Chrys. And he slowly undressed me, and I slowly undressed him, and then…"

"And then?"

"Oh, come _on_, Chrys. Do I have to explain making love to you?"

Katniss stands there, mute, as the words slowly register. Then suddenly a flood of emotions snatch at her, and she realizes what Peeta had done with Alice, with Olive.

Was it different from what they had shared for so many nights? It must not have been, going off what Olive described it as. He was her first. It hadn't meant much when she first kissed him in his house, but it suddenly feels as though he's— he's _cheapening_ what had transpired between them.

They hadn't made love, Katniss knows, and she shakily places the ribbons back on the shelf. But it still feels as though what they _had_ done allowed her to claim him, made him selfishly _hers_. Peeta isn't Olive's, he isn't Alice's— Peeta can't be anyone but _hers_.

She quietly slips out of the store without purchasing anything, and her fingers are still clenched in tight fists. Katniss knows she isn't being fair, exactly: she doesn't want Gale in a completely romantic sense, but she can't lose him either; no one can have Peeta the way she had him— it just seems so _wrong_.

Maybe she should talk to Peeta, offer friendship…

Katniss slowly walks home, and she decides not to. _After all_, she thinks a bit bitterly, _he has Olive and Alice and whomever else he lets into his bed, whomever else he 'makes love' with._

All _they_ did was fuck, and besides, she has Gale. Gale and the confusing mess of tangled feelings and desires for things to remain the same yet for something… more? Peeta has whoever's bed he invades, and Katniss has Gale. Katniss has Gale, her best and oldest friend; _her_ Gale.

The corners of her mouth don't lift as much at the thought as they used to.

* * *

**A/N: DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THG OR THE CHARACTERS YOU RECOGNIZE FROM THE STORY, BUT OLIVE AND CHRYS ARE OF MY OWN CREATION.**

Let me know about any errors, and share your thoughts! This is around the time Peeta was running around town, because come on. Did anyone really believe Katniss wouldn't find out? I mean, she can't be that oblivious, right?

(Erm, yeah, she can. Beside the point.)

I just think she should know about what he's been up to :)

REVIEW PLEASE


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